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The Shell Annual Report: A Masterclass in Corporate Poetry

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A satirical reading of the 2025 report, where billions flow, adjectives multiply, and reality occasionally peeks through the footnotes

Introduction: The World’s Most Expensive Bedtime Story

Every year, large corporations release a document that attempts to explain how they made vast sums of money while simultaneously saving the planet, empowering communities, and respecting nature.

Shell’s 2025 Annual Report is no exception. Running hundreds of pages, it is a masterpiece of corporate literature — a genre where verbs are optimistic, adjectives are plentiful, and inconvenient details tend to hide in footnotes.

At first glance, the report tells a reassuring story: strong shareholder returns, disciplined strategy, and progress on the energy transition. Look slightly closer and the narrative becomes more entertaining. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan - more information here. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s “Green” Venture Portfolio Under Review — Translation: The Climate Side Hustle Isn’t Paying Fast Enough

Feb 26th, 2026

by John Donovan.

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In yet another sign that “transition” remains a flexible word inside oil major boardrooms, Shell has placed parts of its Shell Ventures portfolio under strategic review, according to a February 26, 2026 Reuters report.

The message from The Hague (or rather, London, depending on which corporate reincarnation you’re referencing): if it doesn’t pump cash like LNG, it may not survive the cull.

The Venture That Was Supposed to Prove It Cared

Shell Ventures was launched to signal that the company was serious about investing in the future: clean tech, mobility platforms, energy storage, grid software, hydrogen plays, and various digital decarbonisation tools. It was the corporate equivalent of buying an electric bicycle while continuing to own the motorway. read more

Shell’s $24 Billion “Energy Transition”: Selling LNG to Adnoc While the Climate Clock Ticks

Feb 26th, 2026

by John Donovan.

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In the ever-evolving theatre of global energy, Shell plc appears to be rehearsing another familiar act: trim the portfolio, cash in on hydrocarbons, and call it “discipline.”

According to multiple industry reports in February 2026, Shell is in talks with Abu Dhabi National Oil Company (Adnoc) regarding the potential sale of its stake in a major Australian liquefied natural gas (LNG) project. Estimates suggest the stake could be valued at up to $24 billion. That is not pocket change — even for a supermajor. read more

Shell’s Great Australian Escape: Fossil Fuels, Fickle Strategy and the LNG Laundromat

Feb 12th, 2026

by John Donovan.

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Opinion / Commentary — Not Financial Advice

By John Donovan

The Exit Interview Nobody Asked For

Shell Plc — the global oil and gas supermajor once synonymous with “the future of energy” — is performing what might be the most dramatic corporate version of “it’s not you, it’s me” in fossil fuels. Its latest act is to divest a roughly 16.67% stake in Australia’s North West Shelf (NWS) liquefied natural gas (LNG) project — a facility that helped define Australia’s decades-long gas boom — in a maneuver analysts say signals more than a portfolio tweak. It’s the unravelling of a 50-year partnership and perhaps a metaphor for Shell’s strategic identity crisis. read more

Shell vs Venture Global: When LNG Contracts Meet the Fine Print—and the Missing Emails

Jan 29th, 2026

by admin.

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Shell plc likes to present itself as a disciplined, rules-based operator in global energy markets — a company that respects contracts, arbitration outcomes, and the sanctity of carefully worded legal agreements.

Unless, of course, it loses.

Then the fine print suddenly becomes a battleground, and the missing emails start to matter a great deal.

From ‘Binding Arbitration’ to ‘Let’s See the Emails’

Shell’s long-running dispute with U.S. LNG producer Venture Global was supposed to end neatly with arbitration. In August 2025, it did — and not in Shell’s favour. read more

Is There a Long-Term Pattern in Shell’s Risk Management Failures?

Jan 17th, 2026

by John Donovan.

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Is There a Long-Term Pattern in Shell’s Risk Management Failures?

UPDATED 18 JAN 2026 WITH ILLUMINATING REPLIES FROM A NUMBER OF AI PLATFORMS

This article presents a structured question put to ChatGPT and the platform’s full response, published to enable comparison with other AI systems and to illustrate how AI re-processes corporate history in the modern information environment.

Question put to ChatGPT:

The Past, the Archive, and the Algorithm: Is There a Persistent Pattern in Shell’s Worker-Safety and Public-Health Risk Management in the Age of AI?

I am seeking a research-based analysis (not speculation) of whether there is any meaningful continuity or correlation between several historically separated episodes that are alleged to reflect a similar organisational posture toward health, safety, and human lives—taking into account that large language models can now ingest, cross-reference, and recontextualise entire multi-volume corporate histories alongside modern regulatory and safety records. read more

Shell’s Favorite Climate Strategy: $3.5 Billion Share Buybacks and a Warming Planet

Oct 31st, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Shell has once again demonstrated its unwavering commitment to the principle that matters most to it: maximize returns now and allow consequences to remain someone else’s problem later.

According to Reuters, Shell reported third-quarter adjusted earnings of $5.4 billion, exceeding market expectations:

“Shell reported third-quarter adjusted earnings of $5.4 billion.”

— Reuters, 30 Oct 2025

Immediately following those earnings, MSN reported that Shell launched another $3.5 billion share buyback:

“Shell launched another $3.5 billion share buyback.”

— MSN Money

Meanwhile, The Independent, via Newsbreak, noted:

“Shell posts stronger-than-expected profits as more cash handed to investors.” read more

SHELL’S CASUALTIES AND THE INVESTMENT FUNDS THAT PAY FOR THEM

Oct 25th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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THE WAGES OF SIN: A CHRONICLE OF SHELL’S CASUALTIES AND THE INVESTMENT FUNDS THAT PAY FOR THEM

It is a grand, old-world notion that a corporation can possess a soul, or rather, that the absence of one can be measured by its balance sheet. If that is the case, then Shell is less a corporation and more a meticulously catalogued exhibit in the museum of moral bankruptcy—the ultimate sin stock. Its history is not merely a record of drilling and profit but a chilling, chronological catalogue of calculated risks taken with other people’s lives: its employees, its customers, and the communities unfortunate enough to share a postcode with its extraction sites. read more

Shell to Trump: Don’t Smash the Turbines — We’re Busy Burning Gas

Oct 8th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Shell’s top U.S. executive has done the unthinkable: publicly critiqued a White House that is (mostly) friendly to oil and gas. In an interview flagged by Reuters, Colette Hirstius, President of Shell USA, warned that the Trump administration’s decision to halt fully permitted offshore wind projects is “very damaging” to investment. She added: “I think uncertainty in the regulatory environment is very damaging. However far the pendulum swings one way, its likely that its going to swing just as far the other way.” And, crucially: “I certainly would like to see those projects that have been permitted in the past continue to be developed.” read more

Shell Bets the Planet on LNG: Ten More Years of “Lower-Carbon” Storytelling

Oct 2nd, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Shell CEO Wael Sawan has finally shown his hand: the company’s main contribution to the energy industry for the next decade will be liquefied natural gas (LNG). Not wind. Not solar. Not storage. LNG. The same fossil fuel dressed up as a climate saviour.

What Sawan Said

At the Economic Club of New York, Sawan declared:

“We are absolutely committed to this sector.”

He argued LNG is “one of the most effective fuels” for lowering emissions because it can displace coal in Asia, citing India and China. (Reuters) read more

Shell Built a Floating Cathedral to Gas – Then Spent Years Praying the Lights Stay On

Aug 27th, 2025

by admin.

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Let’s talk about Shell’s Prelude FLNG, a.k.a. the biggest corporate midlife-crisis purchase ever parked on the ocean. Shell didn’t just build a platform; they launched a 488-meter-long, 74-meter-wide, 600,000-tonne floating factory that maritime media straight-faced called “the largest offshore structure ever built”—and, yes, “it displaces six times as much water as the largest aircraft carrier.”

Anchored some 475 km (295 miles) off Australia, Prelude was moored with 16 giant chains to a 93-meter turret—“secured to the seabed by mooring lines”—so the behemoth could spin with cyclones and still keep pumping. Very metal. Very expensive. And very on-brand for a company that thinks the solution to climate and cost risk is… more steel. read more

Shell Loses LNG Case to Venture Global

Aug 13th, 2025

by admin.

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The planet-wrecking colossus known as Shell — proudly backed by Wall Street heavyweight BlackRock — just lost its $1.7 billion arbitration battle against Venture Global. The scrappy U.S. LNG upstart sold cargoes on the spot market for huge profits instead of delivering them to Shell under long-term contracts. Shell whined: “Trust in long-term contracts is the bedrock of the LNG industry.” Translation: “We’re fine making billions, but only if it’s on our terms.”

Venture Global, which banked nearly $7 billion in 2022–23, crowed: “We have consistently honored these agreements without exception.” The ruling leaves Shell sulking and the rest of us wondering if corporate karma actually exists — because for once, Big Oil didn’t win. read more

Shell-BP Megamerger: When Greed Meets Greenwash in a Match Made in Hydrocarbon Hell

Jun 3rd, 2025

by admin.

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When Shell CEO Wael Sawan responded to speculation about a mega-merger with BP, he said the bar for acquisitions was “very high.” Clearly, it’s not nearly as high as Shell’s tolerance for greenhouse gas emissions, human rights controversies, or sheer corporate arrogance.

Now, as rumours swirl about Shell swallowing up its once-proud British cousin, BP, we are once again reminded that in Big Oil, consolidation is just a polite word for “expanding your emissions footprint while doubling your marketing budget.” read more

Frozen Gas, Burning Planet: Shell’s LNG Canada Hype Hits Boil Point

May 10th, 2025

by admin.

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ICE-COLD GAS, RED-HOT PROFITS-BROUGHT TO YOU BY SHELL

Exporting methane and melting credibility—Canada joins Shell’s planetary gaslighting tour

Hold your applause and grab your gas masks: Shell, the world’s favourite pollution profiteer, is about to transform Canada from the land of moose and maple syrup into a shiny new LNG export hub—just what the overheating planet didn’t ask for.

The LNG Canada project, a $40 billion love letter to fossil fuels led by Shell Plc, is getting ready to ship its first cargoes of super-cooled methane as early as June. According to “people with knowledge of the situation” (a.k.a. Shell insiders who know the drill), equipment testing is already underway at the plant, located in Kitimat, British Columbia. read more

Shell to Swallow BP? European Megamerger Could Birth Frankenstein’s Oil Giant

May 9th, 2025

by admin.

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Get ready for the unholy matrimony of Big Oil’s most morally elastic titans. Rumours are swirling that Shell, the master of greenwash and geopolitical manoeuvres, is sizing up a takeover of BP, its long-time accomplice in pollution, profiteering, and PR spin. If consummated, this would be one of Europe’s largest-ever mergers—a monstrous oil-and-gas chimera that might finally give ExxonMobil something to worry about.

And let’s be honest: Shell and BP getting back together is less a love story than the reunion tour of colonial capitalism. These two go way back—to apartheid South Africa, where both quietly profited while the world boycotted, and to Hakluyt, the covert intelligence firm founded by former MI6 agents to serve, among others, the sensitive needs of Shell and BP boardrooms. read more

Shell Shocker: “Oops, We Broke the Planet (Again), But Don’t Worry, Trading’s Fine”

Apr 8th, 2025

by admin.

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🤡 Unplanned Maintenance, Cyclones, and a Whole Lot of Fossil Fuel Fantasy

Just when you thought Shell Plc might start taking the climate crisis seriously, they drop a fresh load of fossil-fueled optimism—while their gas output slumps and their climate credibility melts faster than Arctic ice in a heatwave.

In a new “trading update” (read: PR gloss-over), Shell confessed that natural gas and LNG production in the first quarter of 2025 was—gasp!—lower than expected. The reason? Oh, just some “unplanned maintenance” in Australia and “cyclones.” You know, the kinds of weather events that are becoming more frequent because of companies like Shell. read more

30 November 2023: Posted by John Donovan

The content below is sourced from current verifiable customer reviews of Shell Energy published on Trustpilot.
Extremely slow broadband for 10 months, not fixed. I have had slow broadband well below the guaranteed speed for 10 months and Shell Energy have not been able to fix it. They have tried sending about 4 or 5 engineers but have not fixed the problem. Gurps, who I have been dealing with most recently, has been friendly and polite, alth… Read more

Extremely Slow Shell Broadband

LNG

A satirical reading of the 2025 report, where billions flow, adjectives multiply, and reality occasionally peeks through the footnotes

Introduction: The World’s Most Expensive Bedtime Story

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The Venture That Was Supposed to Prove It Cared

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The Exit Interview Nobody Asked For

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From ‘Binding Arbitration’ to ‘Let’s See the Emails’

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Is There a Long-Term Pattern in Shell’s Risk Management Failures?

UPDATED 18 JAN 2026 WITH ILLUMINATING REPLIES FROM A NUMBER OF AI PLATFORMS

Question put to ChatGPT:

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Shell has once again demonstrated its unwavering commitment to the principle that matters most to it: maximize returns now and allow consequences to remain someone else’s problem later.

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THE WAGES OF SIN: A CHRONICLE OF SHELL’S CASUALTIES AND THE INVESTMENT FUNDS THAT PAY FOR THEM

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What Sawan Said

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ICE-COLD GAS, RED-HOT PROFITS-BROUGHT TO YOU BY SHELL

Exporting methane and melting credibility—Canada joins Shell’s planetary gaslighting tour

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30 November 2023: Posted by John Donovan

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