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Climate Change

Shell’s CEO Discovers a Magical New Path to Net Zero Emissions, Shares Soar!

Oct 17th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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As always, Shell is cordially invited to point out any factual inaccuracies, although we suspect they’re too busy counting their rising profits to bother.

Posted by John Donovan: 17 October 2023

Oh, what a delightful twist in the ever-entertaining saga of Shell’s environmental pursuits! Shell Plc’s CEO, Wael Sawan, has emerged as a visionary leader, unveiling a groundbreaking new approach to achieving net zero emissions. Never mind that the company’s shares are soaring to levels unseen in five years – we have a new pathway to salvation!

Sawan, the brilliant mastermind, clarified the situation with utmost confidence, saying, “For avoidance of doubt, what hasn’t changed is the destination that we have set for ourselves. What has changed is the pathway we’re going to get there.” It’s almost poetic, isn’t it? The destination remains unchanged, but the journey, oh, the journey is now filled with unprecedented twists and turns. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Finds a Warm Welcome at Havas as Extinction Rebellion Throws Surprise Party

Oct 17th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan 17 October 2023

Oh, what a delightful turn of events! Extinction Rebellion, everyone’s favorite road-blocking, climate-conscious disruptors, have graced Havas in London with their presence. They’re quite the party planners, aren’t they?

The Extinction Rebellion activists, in all their theatrical glory, decided to pay a visit to Havas in King’s Cross, expressing their heartfelt concerns about Havas’ audacious decision to collaborate with the villainous Shell. It’s almost as if the protesters care more about the environment than Havas’ bottom line – how shocking! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Latest PR Stunt: Trying To Convince Us They Care!

Oct 9th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan:

9 October 2023

Oh, look who’s back in the news! It’s our favorite planet-loving company, Shell! The same Shell, best known for its endless love for the environment, has graced us with yet another PR move. Because, you know, a giant oil conglomerate searching for a new PR agency partner is definitely the solution to climate change. They want to find someone who can offer all the bells and whistles—corporate comms, public affairs, influencer management—you name it. Maybe they should also add “genuine care for the environment” to that list, but hey, who are we to suggest? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Newest Genius Plan: Fuelling Digital Dreams in Fortnite, Because Why Not?

Oct 6th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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“Nice try, Shell. We’re on to you.”

Posted by John Donovan: 6 October 2023

In what appears to be a “stellar” masterstroke of marketing, the always-environmentally-aware oil giant Shell, which casually announced a quarterly profit of over $5bn, has collaborated with Fortnite creators. Their brilliant move? Paying gamers to pedal their new gasoline, V-Power Nitro+, under the guise of “ultimate road trips”. Ah, nothing says ‘thinking about the youth’s future’ quite like promoting fossil fuels in a virtual realm. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Alumni Gathering: Wopke Hoekstra’s Twisted Journey from Oil Fields to EU’s Climate Command

Oct 5th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan:

5 October 2023

BRUSSELS -The land of waffles, chocolate, and now… turning former oilmen into climate saviour’s.

European lawmakers decided to test Mr. Wopke Hoekstra’s climate sincerity, given his impressive CV flaunting a young, budding career at everyone’s eco-hero, Shell. Yet after whispering a few extra sweet nothings about stronger green measures, the green light shone on him on Wednesday.

At a spry 48, Hoekstra is gearing up to shape EU’s battle strategies against climate change. Who better to lead this vital mission in the world’s third-largest economy than someone intimately familiar with the internal workings of, ahem, Big Oil? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell CEO Defends Unwavering Commitment to Environmental Exploitation”

Oct 3rd, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Who cares about the planet when there are shareholders to appease and profits to be made?

Posted by John Donovan 3 October 2023

In a stunning revelation at the ADIPEC energy conference in Abu Dhabi, Shell’s Chief Executive Officer, Wael Sawan, made it abundantly clear that the company has absolutely no intention of altering its time-tested strategy. 

Yes, you read that right, folks. Shell, the benevolent guardian of the planet, is graciously allowing shareholders to decide if they want to invest in their so-called “low carbon energy options.” It’s heartwarming to see a company that has made billions off fossil fuels suddenly embrace the green revolution with such enthusiasm. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Employees Shockingly Expect Oil Giant to Prioritize Renewables Over Profit

Sep 27th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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It’s almost as if these employees think that transitioning to renewable energy is more important than, say, maximizing profits from fossil fuels. How quaint!

Posted by John Donovan 27 Sept 2023

In a mind-boggling display of naivety, some Shell employees have had the audacity to openly express concerns about the company’s energy transition strategy. They’ve even had the nerve to urge CEO Wael Sawan not to retreat from renewables! Can you believe it?

In an open letter that probably sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Shell’s corporate headquarters, two employees from Shell’s low-carbon division dared to share their thoughts. The letter made its way onto the company’s intranet, sparking what we can only imagine was a lively debate among Shell executives about whether or not the Earth is flat. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

BP and Shell: Masters of Environmental Deception or Just the New Tobacco Titans?

Sep 26th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan 26 Sept 2023

In a delightful twist of fate, BP and Shell, those champions of environmental responsibility, have seen their stock prices soar like eagles in the past month. And what’s the secret behind this sudden success story, you ask? Well, it’s the good old resurgent oil price, of course! Who would have thought that predictions of the world moving away from fossil fuels were anything more than wishful thinking?

In a striking parallel, BP and Shell now find themselves in the same league as the beloved tobacco stocks, British American Tobacco and Imperial Brands. These companies, much like our oil pals, have faced their fair share of criticism for the delightful consequences of their products. But, lo and behold, the world’s appetite for tobacco hasn’t waned entirely, just like the world’s insatiable thirst for oil. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and Friends: A Masterclass in Climate Responsibility

Sep 17th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan 17 Sept 2023

In an act of sheer audacity, the great state of California has decided to sue some of the world’s most beloved oil and gas companies, including Exxon Mobil, Shell, Chevron, ConocoPhillips, and BP. Their audacious claim? That these companies misled the public and downplayed the teeny-tiny risks associated with fossil fuels. How dare they suggest such a thing?

This civil lawsuit, filed with a flourish in state Superior Court in San Francisco, has a unique twist: it’s not just about exposing the so-called “deceptions” of Big Oil. No, California wants a fund, and it wants the very companies it’s suing to finance it. This fund will serve as a sort of “Oops, our bad” account for when those pesky storms and fires wreak havoc. After all, it’s only fair that the companies causing climate change also foot the bill for its consequences, right? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Discovers the Secret Formula: Only Stop Polluting When No One Wants Oil

Sep 17th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan 17 Sept 2023

In a revelation that’s sure to win hearts worldwide, the president of Shell Canada, Susannah Pierce, has imparted her wisdom on the intricacies of decarbonization. According to Pierce, oil and gas companies, those paragons of environmental stewardship, are merely at the mercy of global energy trends. How refreshing!

Pierce, with an air of condescension that only a seasoned executive can muster, graciously acknowledged that while oil and gas firms should make token efforts to reduce emissions, they’re practically stuck in slow motion, like a snail in a race of sloths. Why? Because, dear readers, the rest of the world just can’t seem to keep up with the brilliant minds in the fossil fuel industry. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Heroic U-Turn Away from Carbon Offsets: Putting Profits Over Planet

Sep 1st, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan 1 Sept 2023

Bravo, Shell! Six months after Wael Sawan stepped into the captain’s chair as the CEO, he made a groundbreaking decision to quietly sunset that pesky carbon offset initiative, the world’s biggest corporate plan of its kind. Because why save the planet when you can save a dime? At an all-day investor gala (don’t you just love those?), Sawan somehow “forgot” to mention the company’s previous aim to cough up US$100 million a year for carbon credits. Oopsie-doodle!

This strategic “oversight” follows a scintillating pattern, as Shell also discarded their grand plan to amass a staggering 120 million carbon credits a year by the end of this decade. That would’ve covered a measly 10% of their emissions. No new targets? No worries, Shell has retired its ambition to be a climate leader faster than one of its offshore oil rigs. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Big Oil’s Next Genius Moves to Save the Planet

Aug 31st, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan 31 August 2023

Well, aren’t we in for a treat!

It seems the world’s most environmentally-conscious buddies, our friendly neighbourhood oil giants like BP, Chevron, ExxonMobil, Shell, and TotalEnergies, are diving deep into the influencer market. Because when you think “innovation in renewable energy,” you naturally think: “Instagram and TikTok!”

AFP has sniffed out a trend where icons of video game walkthroughs, doggo videos, and #VacationGoals are suddenly pivoting to plug gas stations and fuel rewards cards. Because, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want a behind-the-scenes look at your favourite influencer’s exhilarating journey to the pump? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and BP Score High Marks in Greenwashing: Champions in the Art of Low-Carbon Lip Service

Aug 26th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan 26 August 2023

Hats off to Shell and BP for being so forward-thinking! The oil giants, alongside 10 other European companies, have been examined under Greenpeace’s microscope and—wait for it—have been accused of greenwashing. 

According to the analysis, Shell and BP have gone above and beyond, generating a whopping 0.02% and 0.17% of energy from renewable sources in 2022. And to think, some people say they’re not committed to the environment.

When it comes to investments in the utopian green future, BP’s heart really swelled as it allocated a generous 97% of its investments towards fossil fuels. Shell, not to be outdone, threw 91% of its chips into the fossil fuel basket too. What do you expect? Good intentions need to be bankrolled, right?

Kuba Gogolewski from Greenpeace summed it up best: “Their already inadequate decarbonization plans are an empty shell; instead of providing desperately needed clean energy, they feed us greenwashing garbage.” Ah, music to the ears of anyone who’s tired of corporate fairytales! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Octopus Energy Mulls Over Rescuing Shell’s Energy Orphans: 

Aug 25th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan 25 August 2023

Ah, fear not! Octopus Energy is gallantly considering adopting Shell’s forsaken household energy customers. Because, let’s face it, Shell’s been a bit preoccupied digging up the Earth and contributing to climate change to be bothered with something as mundane as “sustainable energy.”

The word on the street is that Octopus Energy is in “advanced discussions” to absorb Shell Energy’s sprawling family of 1.4 million residential energy users. Well, someone has to look after them now that Shell decided to sell off its UK energy retail business earlier this year. I mean, come on, fossil fuel drilling isn’t going to fund itself!

Octopus Energy is the “prime contender” for this “strategic” acquisition. Gosh, acquiring customers from a company renowned for its eco-consciousness (insert eye-roll here) like Shell? That should be considered a badge of honour! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Greenwashing Smokescreen

Aug 7th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan August 7, 2023

In a groundbreaking display of environmental commitment, Barclays is championing sustainability while funding the beloved oil giant, Shell. The masterful manipulation of “sustainable finance” initiatives has allowed Barclays to classify a $10 billion revolving credit facility for Shell as “social and environmental financing” – truly an awe-inspiring feat in the world of greenwashing.

But wait, it gets better! Barclays ingeniously counts its share of the loan towards achieving its $150 billion social and environmental financing target. Who knew that aiding a polluting behemoth could be such a philanthropic endeavour? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s “The Giving Pump” Returns: A Genius PR Stunt to Distract from Their Greedy Exploitation of the Planet

Aug 1st, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Isn’t it remarkable how Shell’s PR machine can turn their environmental destruction into a heartwarming success story?

Posted by JOHN DONOVAN August 1, 2023

Shell, the benevolent oil giant known for its selfless dedication to the environment (wink, wink), is back with its heartwarming PR campaign – “The Giving Pump.” Get ready to fuel up your cars and your conscience simultaneously as Shell graciously lets you “give back” while they keep on taking from the planet.

Oh, what a delightful initiative! Starting today until September 30, you can be a part of Shell’s “Force For Good” (a phrase that couldn’t be more ironic) and support local children’s charities. All you have to do is use the designated pump at select Shell stations, and voilà, you’re a hero! Don’t worry; participating in this magnanimous act won’t cost you anything extra – Shell has got it all figured out.

With colorful signage to tug at your heartstrings, the specially marked “Giving Pumps” are strategically placed at over 7,500 US gas stations nationwide. It’s almost like they want to make sure you don’t miss the chance to feel good about yourself while you fill up your tank with their precious fossil fuels. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
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