Posted by John Donovan: 2 Jan 2025
Oh, Shell. The benevolent overlord of oil spills, climate denial, and corporate greed is at it again. In what might be the least surprising development of the century, Shell’s chief executive, Wael Sawan, has announced that the company is considering ditching its London listing for the bright, deregulated allure of New York. Because, apparently, £152 billion isn’t enough for this juggernaut of destruction—they need more, damn it.
According to Sawan, Shell is on a “sprint” to boost its valuation and close the gap with American giants ExxonMobil and Chevron. Yes, those paragons of climate responsibility. And if London can’t fluff their valuation numbers to sufficiently stroke Shell’s ego by the end of 2025, they’re threatening to pack up their toys and play in the States. It’s like the corporate version of “if you don’t love me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”—except it’s Shell, and their “best” is spewing carbon and pocketing record profits.
Shell’s Grand New York Dream
Sawan told Bloomberg in April that London’s stock market has undervalued the company. Poor Shell, right? What’s a £152 billion titan of destruction to do when it feels unloved by its home base? Oh wait, I know—maybe stop pissing off the planet and everyone on it. But no, instead, they’re threatening to move to New York, where Wall Street’s appetite for sin stocks like Shell is boundless, and regulations are treated as optional.
And let’s not forget the sweet, sweet irony here. Shell has spent decades lobbying against regulations, dodging taxes, and leaving environmental devastation in its wake. And now they’re complaining that their valuation isn’t high enough? It’s like an arsonist whining that people don’t appreciate their artistic use of fire.
FTSE’s Loss Could Be Wall Street’s Gain
If Shell does follow through on this tantrum, it would be a major blow to London’s financial hub. Shell is one of the biggest companies in the FTSE 100, so its departure would create a vacuum that might tempt other giants—Rio Tinto, Glencore, BP—to follow suit. Imagine a world where Shell’s departure kicks off an exodus of the worst corporate offenders. Oh, the horror.
But let’s not kid ourselves: this isn’t about “valuation gaps” or shareholder loyalty. It’s about greed. Plain and simple. Shell’s investors, including BlackRock (hello, climate hypocrisy!) and Vanguard, must be salivating at the prospect of higher profits, no matter how many environmental and social consequences come with it. After all, when you’re managing trillions in assets, a little oil spill here and a ruined ecosystem there is just collateral damage, right?
Shell’s Deadlines and Empty Threats
Sawan’s self-imposed “sprint” to boost Shell’s valuation by 2025 is just another way of saying, “Do what we want, or we’ll throw a fit.” He’s given London a clear ultimatum: either the valuation improves, or Shell looks at “all options.” Let’s decode that, shall we? “All options” clearly means running to the arms of Wall Street, where their sins will be not just tolerated but celebrated.
Oh, and by the way, Shell declined to comment on its plans for 2025. Of course, they did. Why answer questions when you can hold an entire financial system hostage instead?
So here we are: a company responsible for pumping untold tons of CO₂ into the atmosphere and playing a starring role in the climate crisis is now whining about being “undervalued.” They’re threatening to leave London behind, potentially triggering an exodus of other corporate offenders, all in the name of profit.
The real question isn’t whether Shell will move to New York. It’s why we’re still giving them a platform at all. Maybe instead of worrying about their valuation, they should focus on paying for the environmental devastation they’ve caused. Or better yet, dismantle the whole damn thing and put those billions into renewable energy. But hey, who are we kidding? This is Shell we’re talking about.
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