Shell and Other Oil Giants Urged to Pay $12 Billion to Clean Up Nigeria Mess

Posted by John Donovan: 17 May 2023

‘So, let’s all give a standing ovation to Shell and the other oil giants for their tireless efforts to turn Nigeria into an environmental wasteland. Their commitment to profit above all else is truly awe-inspiring. Long live their reign of devastation and indifference!’

Shell and Other Oil Giants Urged to Pay Measly $12 Billion to Clean Up Nigeria Mess

Oh, how generous of Shell and its fellow oil companies! They have been so kind as to consider paying a measly $12 billion to address the insignificant environmental devastation they have caused in Nigeria’s Niger Delta. What saints!

After over six decades of exploiting Nigeria’s oil reserves, Bayelsa state is now engulfed in a “human and environmental catastrophe of unimaginable proportions,” according to a report by a panel established by the local government. But fear not, for the report states that the extraction of crude oil is the “overwhelmingly evident cause of this disaster.” Who would have thought?

Of course, let’s not forget the noble establishment of the Bayelsa State Oil & Environmental Commission, because what better way to address a crisis than with a panel? Chaired by the esteemed John Sentamu, a British lawmaker and former Archbishop of York, a London-headquartered commission of international experts. Who needs local knowledge and input, right?

Bayelsa, being the first oil-producing region in West Africa, has been subjected to the benevolence of oil companies like Shell and Eni. These compassionate entities have pumped billions of barrels of crude from the state, leaving behind a region that can proudly claim to be “one of the most polluted places on Earth.” A true badge of honor!

Oh, but don’t you worry, my dear reader! The oil companies are quick to shift the blame away from themselves. They insist that it’s those pesky thieves and saboteurs causing all those leaks, not their fault at all. In fact, they go above and beyond, claiming that they clean up spills regardless of their cause. How noble of them to clean up their own messes!

But alas, the report reveals the truth. The oil companies have failed to invest in proper maintenance and protection of their pipelines. It’s not like they could afford it or anything with their billions in profits, right? And to add insult to injury, the report suggests that the official statistics downplay the number of spills caused by the companies themselves. How surprising!

Now, here’s the cherry on top. The report has the audacity to suggest that these oil majors and the state-owned Nigerian National Petroleum Co. should invest $12 billion to restore the impacted areas, provide clean drinking water, treat health problems, and create new jobs. How dare they demand such a pittance from these benevolent corporations? They should be grateful for any crumbs that might fall their way!

But wait, there’s more! The report also recommends an overhaul of the regulatory and legal regime. Apparently, the current system is flawed, and the penalties aren’t hefty enough. Oh, those poor, poor oil companies. How will they ever survive if they face meaningful consequences for their actions?

In response, Eni and Shell, the paragons of virtue, claim that they operate to the same standards in Nigeria as elsewhere in the world. How reassuring! And let’s not forget their denial of “environmental racism.” Clearly, these corporations have shown nothing but respect and equality in their treatment of the Nigerian people and their environment. Bravo!

So, let’s all give a standing ovation to Shell and the other oil giants for their tireless efforts to turn Nigeria into an environmental wasteland. Their commitment to profit above all else is truly awe-inspiring. Long live their reign of devastation and indifference.

Shell management has a track record of putting profits first, before any other consideration, including the heath and safety of its own employees. In other words, money before ethics. This is after all the company that financially supported Hitler and the Nazis. Google “Shell Nazi History”.

Shell is invited to point out for correction any factual inaccuracies and supply closing comments for publication as part of this article on an unedited basis. 

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