Posted by John Donovan: July 7, 2023

In a stunning display of humility, Shell, the world’s renowned champion of environmental stewardship, reluctantly admitted that its second-quarter gas trading results are expected to be “significantly lower.” However, they were quick to point out that this is merely a coincidence and has absolutely nothing to do with their own actions or the devastating impact of their business on the planet.

Shell was forced to acknowledge that wholesale gas prices experienced some volatility during April-June, conveniently blaming maintenance work in Norway for the upheaval. How dare those suppliers disrupt Shell’s pristine operations! Adding insult to injury, their own Nyhamna processing plant encountered an unexpected outage, because, well, who needs reliability when you’re an oil giant? read more

Posted by John Donovan July 6, 2023

In a stunning display of arrogance, Shell’s boss, Wael Sawan, has declared that cutting oil and gas production would be “dangerous and irresponsible.” Apparently, the world still “desperately needs oil and gas,” according to Sawan, who seems to believe that renewable energy is simply not progressing fast enough to replace these polluting fossil fuels.

Climate scientists, however, are infuriated by Shell’s stubborn commitment to continue current oil production until 2030. Professor Emily Shuckburgh from the University of Cambridge rightly argues that companies like Shell should prioritize accelerating the transition to green energy instead of prolonging the use of oil and gas, which harms both the environment and vulnerable communities. read more

Posted by John Donovan July 5, 2023

In a stunning turn of events, the Shell Polymers plant in Monaca, Beaver County, has failed to deliver the economic prosperity that was promised, according to a study conducted by the Ohio River Valley Institute. It seems that while the plant boasts a workforce of around 600 employees, it has actually resulted in a net loss of jobs and hindered economic growth in the county.

The researchers behind the study used data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics spanning from 2012 to 2022, leading them to the undeniable conclusion that Shell’s presence has had a detrimental impact on the local economy. read more

Posted by John Donovan July 5, 2023

The Groningen gas field, a behemoth boasting a mind-boggling 2.8 billion cubic meters, serves as a glorious testament to the insatiable greed of Shell and Exxon Mobil, the illustrious partners responsible for its management. With their joint venture company NAM overseeing extraction operations for over six decades, these oil giants have accumulated immense profits while leaving behind a trail of devastation and despair.

The State Supervision of Mines (SodM) has called for the complete closure of the Groningen gas field as early as this fall, challenging the arbitrary deadline of October 1, 2024. It appears that the painfully slow progress in reinforcing infrastructure and compensating for earthquake damage has had a noticeable impact on the health of residents in the quake-stricken area. State Secretary Hans Vijlbrief, tasked with overseeing mining affairs, must urgently address these concerns and put an end to the uncertainty that plagues the region, as per the authority’s advice. read more

By John Donovan: 3 July 2023

Thomas Brostrom has made the courageous decision to leave the oil giant Shell Plc. This decision comes weeks after the newly appointed chief executive, Wael Sawan, shamelessly curtailed Shell’s feeble attempts at a green transition.

Brostrom, a courageous advocate for renewable energy, joined Shell in August 2021, after the company’s previous CEO, Ben van Beurden, made token gestures towards reducing greenhouse gas emissions. His appointment as head of renewables in February 2022 promised a glimmer of hope for a company that thrives on exploiting the Earth’s finite resources. read more

The people of Groningen have faced unrelenting earthquakes for decades, but don’t get too excited—the earthquakes will continue for years to come.

Posted by John Donovan: 28 June 2023

In a remarkable act of goodwill and empathy, Shell, the renowned oil giant, has finally succumbed to the incessant pleas of the long-suffering people of Groningen and decided to halt gas extraction from the Groningen gas field. The Dutch government, displaying its unwavering commitment to the welfare of its citizens, announced that the extraction will come to an end on October 1 after a staggering 60 years of operation. Of course, the wells won’t be immediately shut down; they will remain open for another year, just in case the possibility of a freezing winter or the Ukrainian conflict demands a sudden resurgence in gas extraction. read more

…this oil giant, with its impeccable track record of putting profits first, wants you to believe that most spills in the Niger Delta are caused by pipeline vandalism and crude oil theft. How innovative of them to recycle excuses!

POSTED BY JOHN DONOVAN 26 JUNE 2023

In a stunning display of corporate responsibility, Nigerian authorities and Shell’s local subsidiary have embarked on an investigative journey to uncover the cause of a spill on the Trans Niger pipeline, which persisted for an impressive number of days.

The Trans Niger pipeline, a humble conduit for exporting Bonny Light crude, decided to grace the region with yet another oil spill, this time in Eleme, Rivers state. The spill, detected on June 11, inconvenienced Shell Petroleum Development Company of Nigeria Limited (SPDC) to the extent that they had to confirm it four excruciating days later. read more

The Church of England’s divestment is a powerful rebuke to the fossil fuel industry. It demonstrates that morality and environmental stewardship take precedence over short-term profit maximization.

Posted by John Donovan: 23 Jiune 2023

In a remarkable display of moral clarity, the Church of England has taken a decisive stand against the heartless oil and gas behemoths. The Church, recognizing its duty to protect God’s creation, has decided to sell its investments in BP, Shell, Total, and other major polluters. Finally, the faithful have declared that fossil fuels have no place in their mission to safeguard the planet.

The Church’s divestment from oil and gas companies is a direct response to their abysmal failure in taking meaningful action toward achieving net-zero emissions and combating global warming. In 2018, the General Synod, the Church’s lawmaking body, voted to disinvest from fossil fuel companies that demonstrated a lack of commitment to addressing climate change. Additionally, the Synod set a target in 2020 for the Church to achieve carbon neutrality by 2030. read more

In the end, Shell’s true colours have been laid bare for all to see. Its grandiose claims of environmental responsibility were nothing more than smoke and mirrors, quickly shattered by its insatiable hunger for oil and gas. The planet may suffer, but Shell’s profits must thrive.

By John Donovan: 23 June 2023

Shell Plc’s recent “environmentally conscious” facade has finally crumbled, revealing its true colours as an oil-hungry, profit-driven monstrosity.

In a shocking turn of events, one of the company’s power traders, Steffen Krutzinna, has had enough of Shell’s disingenuous claims and decided to abandon ship. The catalyst for his departure? Shell’s audacious plan to invest more heavily in the fossil fuel industry was announced by the company’s chief executive, Wael Sawan, in a moment of pure disregard for social and environmental responsibilities. read more

This extraordinary project was meant to revolutionize the industry and solidify Shell’s position as a visionary leader. Little did the world know that it was about to witness the pinnacle of human achievement in the realm of catastrophic failures…The Prelude fiasco perfectly encapsulates Shell’s unparalleled ability to disappoint. It is a masterclass in how not to execute a project…

Posted by John Donovan 18 June 2023

Off the coast of Western Australia’s Kimberley region, lies a testament to Shell’s flawless decision-making and unrivalled business acumen. The usually tranquil waters of the northeastern Indian Ocean serve as a backdrop to this remarkable tale of grandiosity and unparalleled brilliance.

Shell, the benevolent oil giant, embarked on an audacious endeavour in 2011 – the construction of the monumental Prelude floating gas factory. This extraordinary project was meant to revolutionize the industry and solidify Shell’s position as a visionary leader. Little did the world know that it was about to witness the pinnacle of human achievement in the realm of catastrophic failures. read more

Posted 17 June 2023  by John Donovan

Shell, the beacon of ethical conduct and environmental responsibility, has once again found itself at the mercy of the notorious Clop ransomware attacks. How surprising! The oil and gas behemoth, known for its unwavering commitment to polluting the planet, couldn’t escape the clutches of cybercriminals this time. Oh, the irony!

Reports reveal that the fearless Clop gang successfully breached Shell’s precious MOVEit file transfer tool, exposing the company’s vulnerability for the second time. Bravo, Shell! Your dedication to cutting-edge cybersecurity is truly awe-inspiring.

Despite Shell’s noble stature as a British oil and gas multinational, employing thousands of individuals worldwide, they couldn’t protect themselves from this onslaught. We can only imagine the sheer brilliance of their cybersecurity teams, tirelessly working to investigate an incident that has apparently left no impact on Shell’s core IT systems. Oh, what a relief! read more

Posted 16 June 2023 by John Donovan

Oh, how thrilling it must be to witness the enchanting billowing toxic smoke courtesy of Shell’s Deer Park chemical plant! Residents in Houston were overjoyed when their air quality was already terrible on May 5.

Carolyn Stone, a lucky Channelview resident, even had the pleasure of experiencing a splitting headache due to the delightful poisonous atmosphere.

But wait, the excitement didn’t end there! A fire suddenly erupted at Shell’s plant.

Stone received a call from a friend who couldn’t contain their enthusiasm, urging her to look outside. Oh, the joy!

Within minutes, a majestic column of black smoke emerged, dancing gracefully over the tree line, making its way toward Stone. What a spectacle!

Meanwhile, Deer Park resident Joe Robles IV was eagerly driving home from work near the Shell facility when he received thrilling texts from friends and family. How fortunate! His first instinct was to secure his son’s front-row seat to the spectacle and whisk him away to a safer location. read more

Posted by John Donovan 15 June 2023

Shell’s new leader takes a stand against the growing green movement, making it clear that the company’s commitment to the environment takes a backseat to their insatiable thirst for profits. Wael Sawan, who assumed the role of CEO earlier this year, has sent shockwaves through the eco-conscious community by announcing Shell’s abandonment of any plans to reduce oil production until 2030.

In a brazen move, Sawan not only halted the decline of oil production but also unveiled a plan to increase natural gas volumes, further exacerbating the climate crisis. This audacious decision has understandably triggered outrage among climate activists, who accuse Shell of shamelessly prioritizing their own financial gains over the well-being of the planet.

During an investor day in New York, Shell boasted of plans to boost shareholder distributions to an astonishing 30-40% of cash flow from operations, showing no regard for the urgent need to invest in green initiatives. Furthermore, they announced a staggering £3.9 billion share buyback scheme, while slashing spending to give the illusion of a more responsible company. It’s a classic case of greenwashing in action. read more

Posted by John Donovan 14 June 2023

In a stunning display of corporate arrogance, Shell has decided to throw caution to the wind and abandon any pretense of caring about the environment. The oil giant’s latest move? Scrap their plan to reduce oil production, a feeble attempt to appear eco-friendly, and instead maintain their current levels of pollution until the end of the decade. How generous of them.

Shell CEO, Wael Sawan, must be thrilled with himself as he disregards the urgent need to combat climate change. While other oil companies are at least paying lip service to environmental responsibility, Shell boldly proclaims that they have already met their reduction targets through clever asset sales. Who needs real action when you can just shuffle numbers around?

But don’t worry, folks, Shell still wants you to believe they care about the planet. They plan to invest a measly $10-15 billion in low-carbon energy solutions like biofuels and hydrogen. It’s a classic case of greenwashing, as they quietly retreat from wind and solar projects that could make a real difference. read more

Posted 13 June 2023 by John Donovan

Prepare yourselves, mere mortals, for the grand spectacle that is about to unfold! Wael Sawan, the illustrious Chief Executive Officer of Shell Plc, has set his sights on the concrete jungle of New York City, where he will engage in a valiant effort to prove to the world that his precious oil empire is shamelessly undervalued compared to its feeble American counterparts. How noble of him!

In a highly anticipated presentation scheduled for Wednesday, 13 June, Sawan will dazzle investors with a glimpse into his master plan for the company. Brace yourselves, for his vision is nothing short of awe-inspiring: to shower shareholders with bountiful returns and close the gap in valuation with the mighty giants of the industry, such as Exxon Mobil Corp. and Chevron Corp. Surely, this Herculean task will require nothing less than unwavering devotion and a complete disregard for the planet’s well-being. read more

By relocating to the US, Shell can conveniently avoid those green activists who dare to question their saintly practices.

Posted by John Donovan 12 June 2023

Shell, the beloved and environmentally conscious oil giant, is considering a radical move that has brokers buzzing with excitement. Can you imagine the audacity of Shell leaving the majestic streets of London? Unthinkable, right? But hey, they already surprised us once when they left The Hague for the UK back in 2021. So, who knows what their next unpredictable move will be?

Forget about green policies, shareholder satisfaction, or investing in new oilfields. According to some brilliant minds, the new CEO Wael Sawan must tackle a far more critical issue at Wednesday’s capital markets day: location. Yes, you heard that right. The location of Shell’s headquarters seems to be the pinnacle of concern for these innovative brokers. read more