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Shell, the paragon of corporate responsibility, finds itself in the midst of an investor rebellion

Posted by John Donovan:

19 May 2023

Shell, the paragon of corporate responsibility, finds itself in the midst of an investor rebellion because of baseless claims that it is scaling back its bold plans to achieve net zero targets.

The noble Universities Superannuation Scheme (USS), Britain’s preeminent private pension fund, has vowed to vote against the re-election of the illustrious Sir Andrew Mackenzie as chairman. Why, you may ask? Well, apparently the audacious accusation is that Shell is not doing enough to reduce its carbon footprint. How dare they besmirch Shell’s good name?

Now, brace yourself for the shocking revelation: this pension fund holds less than 0.1% of Shell’s shares! Can you believe the audacity of these self-proclaimed paragons of virtue?

But that’s not all! In an astonishing turn of events, the eminent Church of England has decided to join the chorus of righteous indignation. They plan to remove Sir Andrew and the company’s chief executive from their lofty positions. Why, you ask? Apparently, the Church, with its omniscient powers, is concerned that Shell has deviated from its impeccable promise to switch to clean power. How could they? Indeed the Ukraine war and the skyrocketing pesky oil and gas prices are nothing but excuses!

The USS spokesperson added, “While Shell’s audacious target for 2035 does align with a meagre 2C pathway, we are dismayed by the company’s lack of transparency in demonstrating how they will achieve it. And what about their continued investment in new oil and gas production? It is clear that Shell prioritizes fleeting gains over illustrious long-term goals. Such behaviour is truly appalling to us, a responsible and long-term investor looking to secure pensions until the end of time.”

Meanwhile, in a riveting twist, rival energy company BP faced a minuscule investor revolt last month. Astonishingly, investors holding a mere 16% of the company’s shares supported a motion to impose stricter climate targets. How dare they challenge these benevolent corporations?

In response to these unjust accusations, a Shell spokesperson boldly declared, “We vehemently disagree with these organizations that have the audacity to recommend voting against the re-election of our esteemed board members. Our strategy remains steadfast and unwavering – to become a net-zero emissions energy company by the distant year of 2050 or perhaps even sooner. Moreover, in the last year, we have magnanimously invested in low-carbon energy and made astonishingly good progress towards our emissions reduction targets.”

Let us bask in the glory of Shell’s self-proclaimed magnanimity! For they have set a target to reduce their own emissions by a generous 50% by the year 2030, and they have astoundingly announced that they are already more than halfway towards achieving this goal. Truly, their modesty knows no bounds.

Shell management has a track record of putting profits first, before any other consideration, including the health and safety of its own employees. In other words, money before ethics. This is after all the company that financially supported Hitler and the Nazis. Google “Shell Nazi History”.

Shell is invited to point out for correction any factual inaccuracies and supply closing comments for publication as part of this article on an unedited basis.

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