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Greedy Polluter Shell Exits Home Retail Energy Businesses Due to ‘Poor Returns’

…rest assured loyal customers, you’ll be given ample notice before your accounts are transferred to the next profiteer.

Posted 6 June 2023 by John Donovan

In a stunning act of selflessness, the ruthless oil giant Shell has announced its departure from the retail energy sector in Britain, Germany, and the Netherlands. Unbelievably, they claim their decision is based on “poor returns,” as if their insatiable greed hasn’t already done enough damage.

Just a few months ago, Shell initiated a strategic review of its European retail businesses, conveniently blaming the “tough market conditions” it helped create. Of course, this review was prompted by their new CEO, Wael Sawan, who was probably looking for a fresh way to continue the company’s legacy of environmental destruction.

But fear not, dear customers! Shell wants you to know that absolutely nothing will change for you during the sales process. How generous of them to continue providing their flawed customer services as if they’re doing you a favour. And let’s not forget their broadband offerings, which will also remain unaffected.

But don’t worry, potential buyers, you won’t have to worry about any ethical baggage. Shell has made it clear that they expect a seamless transfer of employment obligations.

It’s heartwarming to see Shell’s commitment to supporting both customers and staff during this period of transition. We can all sleep peacefully knowing that a buyer capable of delivering on Shell’s impeccable legacy will step in. And rest assured loyal customers, you’ll be given ample notice before your accounts are transferred to the next profiteer.

In their statement, Shell pats itself on the back, claiming to protect customer interests and intending to maximize employment. How touching. It’s almost as if they want us to forget the countless environmental disasters they’ve caused, the lives they’ve disrupted, and the planet they continue to plunder.

Oh, Shell, we will miss your self-serving reign over the energy sector. Your departure leaves us with a void that can only be filled by another corporation willing to exploit both people and the planet.

Shell has a track record of putting profits first, before any other consideration. In other words, money before ethics. This is after all the company that financially supported Hitler and the Nazis. The founder of Royal Dutch Shell – Sir Henri Deterding – was himself a fanatical Nazi. Google “Shell Nazi History”.

Shell is invited to point out for correction any factual inaccuracies and supply closing comments for publication as part of this article on an unedited basis. 

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