The following is understood to be an internal document circulated to new starters on MSQ’s Shell business. We cannot verify its authenticity, but we also cannot stop laughing.
In a move surprising absolutely no one who has watched the energy giant cycle through PR partners the way other companies cycle through printer ink, Shell has confirmed — or at least not denied loudly enough — that MSQ is now steering the wheel of its global reputation management. It is, by any honest measure, one of the more ambitious contracts in modern advertising history, roughly equivalent to being hired to do the PR for a house fire while the fire department is still deciding whether to show up.
Anyone drafting MSQ’s onboarding deck faces an unusual challenge: where, precisely, does one begin a “brand journey” for a company whose corporate lineage runs through Nazi-era Germany, a 2004 reserves scandal so severe it triggered boardroom resignations and regulatory fines, the multi-billion-dollar fiasco of Sakhalin-2, decades of litigation over oil spills and human rights abuses in the Niger Delta, and a worker safety record that has, at various points, made headlines for exactly the wrong reasons? A normal rebrand starts with a mood board. This one might need a legal disclaimer.
Industry sources — by which we mean anyone who has read a newspaper since 1998 — note that Shell’s approach to reputational crisis has traditionally followed a reliable four-step formula: acknowledge nothing, commission a sustainability report, sponsor something green-sounding, and wait for the news cycle to move on. MSQ, to its credit, appears to specialize in precisely this kind of narrative alchemy — the agency’s own promotional materials speak fondly of helping brands “celebrate who they really are.” Whether Shell’s marketing team has fully thought through the implications of that phrase remains, charitably, unclear.
A satirical read of the pitch deck might go something like this: Slide one — “Shell: Powering Progress.” Slide two, in much smaller font — “Progress Toward What, Exactly, Is Still Under Discussion.” Slide three is presumably several hundred pages of historical footnotes, delivered separately, under embargo, by courier.
One imagines the MSQ creative team’s first internal meeting went something like: “So they want warmth, trust, and an emotional connection with the customer.” “Right. And the Ogoni Nine litigation?” “We were told not to bring that up unless someone else does first.” “And Sakhalin?” “Reframe as ‘ambitious international expansion.'” “And the Nazi thing?” “…We’re going to need a bigger meeting.”
To be fair to MSQ, this is not their first rodeo with a controversial energy client, and PR agencies have never been shy about taking on difficult accounts — that’s rather the point of the profession. But there’s difficult, and then there’s “decades-deep archive of primary-source documents maintained by aggrieved former business partners who have made it their life’s work to fact-check every press release in real time.” Shell’s critics didn’t get the memo that the rebrand was supposed to make this easier.
Welcome to the team.
Congratulations on joining the Shell account. You were selected for this role because you either (a) have a strong stomach, (b) have never used a search engine, or (c) both. This document will help you get up to speed quickly.
Section 1: Things you are not to Google on your first day
We know the instinct. Don’t. HR has asked us to remind you that “just doing some background reading” is not covered by your onboarding budget and may result in a mandatory wellness session.
Section 2: A brief, upbeat history of the brand
Founded in the early 20th century, Shell has weathered — and we cannot stress this enough, weathered — a series of what we internally call “legacy narrative opportunities.” These include a period of historical fuel-supply diversification during a regrettable European conflict, a 2004 accounting recalibration involving several billion barrels that were there and then, through no fault of anyone in particular, weren’t, an ambitious Siberian infrastructure project that came in only mildly over budget (four times, but who’s counting), and multiple decades of what affected communities have unhelpfully insisted on calling “litigation” rather than “engaged stakeholder dialogue.”
Section 3: Key talking points to memorize
- If asked about worker safety, pivot to “our unwavering commitment to continuous improvement.”
- If asked about Nigeria, pivot to “our unwavering commitment to continuous improvement.”
- If asked about literally anything else, also pivot to “our unwavering commitment to continuous improvement.” It is, our research shows, remarkably weatherproof.
Section 4: Creative do’s and don’ts
DO lean into resilience, heritage, and “energy for a changing world.”
DON’T use the word “changing” near the word “climate” without three rounds of legal sign-off.
DO use soft lighting.
DON’T use soft lighting anywhere near an actual drilling platform, a courtroom, or a 1930s photograph.
Section 5: A note on morale
Some colleagues have asked whether it’s ethically complicated to build a “trust and warmth” campaign for a client with this particular back catalogue. We’d remind the team that MSQ has a long and proud history of finding the emotional truth in difficult briefs — oat milk, budget airlines, the occasional bank. This is simply the next one. A slightly bigger one. With its own Wikipedia category tree.
Welcome aboard. Your NDA is attached separately and is, we’re told, considerably longer than this document.
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