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Shell’s Ingenious Plan: Double Down on Oil to Woo Investors

Sawan insists that preserving their bottom line should never be compromised, even if it means leaving the world scorched and polluted.

Posted 10 June 2023 by John Donovan

In a stunning move, Shell has decided to keep pumping oil without remorse, revealing its true commitment to enriching itself at the expense of the planet. CEO Wael Sawan, in a desperate attempt to regain investor trust, will maintain or even increase oil production until 2030. Who needs those pesky renewables when oil and gas profits are skyrocketing? It seems the well-being of the environment takes a backseat to Shell’s insatiable greed.

Sawan, the mastermind behind this cunning scheme, will proudly announce the abandonment of any pretense to reduce oil output by a meager 1% to 2% per year. Oh, but don’t worry, they’ve already achieved their laughable production cuts by selling off some of their precious oil assets, like their U.S. shale business. The man has a vision, and that vision is soaked in crude black gold.

Taking the helm in January, Sawan promised to improve Shell’s performance while conveniently ignoring the pressing need to transition away from fossil fuels. Oil and gas, the lifeblood of Shell’s empire, will remain central to their operations for years to come. Who cares about a sustainable future when there are profits to be made? Sawan insists that preserving their bottom line should never be compromised, even if it means leaving the world scorched and polluted.

This stark departure from Shell’s previous carbon reduction targets and energy transition strategy reflects the brilliance of Sawan’s leadership. He’s swiftly dismantled projects in offshore wind, hydrogen, and biofuels, all because they didn’t promise enormous returns. Remember when Shell was touting its European power retail businesses as vital to their energy transition? Well, forget about it. They’re cutting ties with those too, no longer interested in pursuing avenues that could help save our planet.

But wait, there’s more! Shell had the audacity to report record profits of $40 billion last year, all thanks to the oil and gas bonanza. Clearly, the destruction of our environment pays off handsomely for the greedy oil behemoth. When asked for comment, Shell, unsurprisingly, declined. No need to justify their avarice.

Sawan, a Canadian-Lebanese national, will eagerly lay out his grand vision at an investor event in New York on June 14. Brace yourselves for updates on how Shell plans to allocate its capital, how much they’ll shower shareholders with, and of course, the “strategic choices” they’re making to ensure their ruthless enterprise.

Climate-focused investors, who dare to be concerned about the well-being of our planet, are naturally incensed by Sawan’s blatant disregard for reducing greenhouse gas emissions and transitioning to renewable energy. But don’t worry, Sawan reassures us that Shell will stick to its superficial commitment of becoming a net zero emitter by 2050. Isn’t that comforting?

Shell’s decision to scale back on cutting oil production is strikingly similar to the spineless retreat made by rival BP earlier this year. Clearly, the entire fossil fuel industry is united in its unwavering pursuit of destruction.

While returns from oil and gas soar, solar and wind projects can barely scrape together a fraction of the profits. But who needs a sustainable future when you can revel in the short-term gains of pillaging the earth? Shell’s investors must be delighted with this delightful news.

Sawan had the audacity to claim that significant investments in oil and gas are necessary to meet growing demand. He conveniently forgets that this “demand” perpetuates the vicious cycle of climate change and ecological devastation. But hey, as long as the money keeps rolling in, who cares about the consequences?

The staggering underperformance of Shell’s shares compared to its U.S. rivals Exxon Mobil and Chevron has been a thorn in Sawan’s side. To close the gap, he’s decided to prioritize performance and returns, putting the planet and its inhabitants at the bottom of Shell’s list of priorities.

Get ready, folks, because Shell’s ingenious plan to double down on oil is sure to make waves. Brace yourselves for an increase in shareholder payouts, as Shell desperately tries to keep up with its peers. Will their dividend rise by 20%? Will they manage to distribute 35% to 40% of cashflow from operations? Only time will tell.

In the end, Shell needs to change, but not in the way that benefits humanity and the environment. No, they need to change their game to ensure they stay competitive in the race to exploit and destroy. Bravo, Shell, bravo.

Right of Reply: Shell is invited to point out for correction any factual inaccuracies and supply closing comments for publication as part of this article on an unedited basis. 

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