…let’s give a standing ovation to Shell for its unrelenting dedication to Earth’s destruction in the name of progress and shareholder value. Keep pumping Shell, the apocalypse isn’t going to fuel itself.
Posted by John Donovan: 14 Aug 2024
Shell, the pinnacle of environmental stewardship (not), has proudly announced its latest endeavour in the Gulf of Mexico. According to Shell, they’ve given the green light to inject water into the Vito field to suck out even more precious black gold. Ah, how heartwarming — pumping fossil fuels, the ultimate sin stock, from beneath the sea floor.
In a statement dripping with corporate charm, Shell elucidates how this waterflood project, slated for 2027, will magnanimously boost their recoverable resource volume by a staggering 60 million barrels of oil equivalent. Bravo, Shell! Truly a masterpiece of prioritizing profits over planet. They even classify their “resources” with such love — 2P, 2C, and absolutely zero Fs given about sustainability.
Let’s not forget the geography lesson: Vito lies conveniently in the Mississippi Canyon, just 75 miles south of Venice, LA — a charming spot for oil spills and marine life disasters. Who cares about that when you’re raking in the cash?
And who could ignore Shell’s earlier stroke of genius: a platform redesign in 2015 that slashed CO2 emissions by 80% (over its original plan). Such environmental heroes, reducing pollution to only several lifetimes’ worth instead of millennia!
In conclusion, let’s give a standing ovation to Shell for its unrelenting dedication to Earth’s destruction in the name of progress and shareholder value. Keep pumping Shell, the apocalypse isn’t going to fuel itself.
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