Exxon’s Eco-Warrior Makeover: Out-Greening Shell, the Sin Stock That Keeps on Spilling

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Well, well, well. Would you look at that. ExxonMobil — yes, that Exxon — is now strutting around like Greta Thunberg in an oil-stained tuxedo, about to overtake Shell and BP in so-called “low-carbon spending.” You know, the same Exxon that used to sneer at clean energy as a “beauty contest”? Suddenly it’s front row in the pageant.

According to investment guidance from six Western oil majors, Exxon now plans to splash out $30 billion on “low emissions opportunities” by 2030. That’s up from a humble $3 billion plan in 2021. Because apparently, all it takes is a PR makeover, some hydrogen buzzwords, and a boatload of government subsidies to turn one of the planet’s biggest polluters into an environmental pioneer.

Shell — the poster child for ruthless greenwashing and investor-friendly climate regression — must be fuming. Or maybe that’s just another flare stack lighting up the atmosphere. Either way, Shell, now generously bankrolled by the likes of BlackRock and Vanguard, is slashing its low-carbon dreams from $5.58 billion down to a sulky $3.5 billion a year. Just enough to say they care, but not enough to threaten their divine right to extract every last profitable molecule from this collapsing biosphere.

And let’s not even get started on BP, who once marketed itself as “Beyond Petroleum” before quietly walking that back like someone trying to sneak out of a Greenpeace fundraiser. Their low-carbon budget was chopped from $6.45 billion to a sad little $1.75 billion. Awkward.

So, who’s still spending big on decarbonisation? Apparently TotalEnergies, with a $5 billion plan for 2025, is still playing the European guilt card. The French have opted to spend 29% of their budget on low-carbon stuff, compared to Exxon and Shell’s 17%. BP? 12%, bless them.

Tom Ellacott from Wood Mackenzie, clearly baffled by Exxon’s pivot, declared:

“ExxonMobil’s low-carbon strategy is gaining momentum at a time when some peers are scaling back ambitions.”

Translation: WTF happened to Shell and BP?

Exxon’s “low-carbon” efforts focus on… wait for it… carbon capture, hydrogen, biofuels and lithium — all the trendy tech that says “we care,” while leaving the actual oil drilling completely untouched. And it only works because it’s funded by Biden’s Inflation Reduction Act, which former President Trump has heroically vowed to kill if given the chance. Nothing like building your climate legacy on a political time bomb.

Exxon CFO Kathy Mikells admitted as much in January:

“It’s important for these nascent businesses and industries to get some initial support.”

Translation: We’ll do green stuff… as long as you pay for it.

Still, Shell — bless their oily little heart — protested that Wood Mackenzie had ignored the “scale of our historical investments in the low-carbon space.” Ah yes, history. Like that time Shell helped fund apartheid or deployed private spies through Hakluyt. Charming.

Climate group Environmental Defense Fund gave Exxon some half-hearted applause, noting:

“It’s still woefully short of the kind of capital that needs to deploy if we’re going to make major progress in decarbonising our collective economies in the next 30 years.”

Even shareholder activists like Follow This aren’t buying Exxon’s green halo. They correctly point out that scope 3 emissions — all the pollution from people actually using Exxon’s products — aren’t even part of the company’s reckoning. But let’s not spoil the illusion.

Analyst Betty Jiang at Barclays said it best — accidentally, perhaps:

“Exxon is leaning into these areas not because of environmental social governance or sustainability initiatives but rather genuine business opportunities…”

Translation: We’re only doing this because there’s money in it now, suckers.

So yes, Exxon may soon outpace Shell — the perennial champion of corporate sin — in pretending to care about the planet. But don’t worry, Shell still leads in shamelessness, helped along by BlackRock’s undying affection and Vanguard’s warm, oily embrace.

And who knows? If Shell and BP finally merge into Shell BP Plc — that Frankenstein fossil-fuel lovechild we all dread — maybe Exxon will finally have a rival worthy of the same Olympic-level hypocrisy.

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