Sir Henri Deterding comments
From beyond the grave, the founder of Royal Dutch Shell offers his views on the latest affair.
Well, well. Thirty-seven men in the Bahamas and six billion dollars. In my day it took ten thousand men, three continents and a war or two to make that sort of money. I’d have given my right arm for staff like that. Instead I had geologists.
As for the Ministry, I must say I am impressed. When I ran the company, we kept our secrets the old-fashioned way: we didn’t write them down. Now everything is written down, photocopied, leaked, translated, published by people with clipboards, and still the government manages to keep it secret. That isn’t confidentiality. That’s an art form. I’ve been dead since 1939 and even I’m allowed to read the documents. A Member of Parliament isn’t allowed to hear about them.
This “cost-only” business makes me laugh. Dutch Shell companies doing work for the rest of the group without charging a profit? I never knew the firm had a charitable wing. Had anyone suggested such a thing to me, I’d have had him transferred to Borneo. Unless, of course, the profit was turning up somewhere sunnier, in which case I’d have given him a medal and a villa.
And the “rule of thumb” for Swiss royalties! In my experience the only rule of thumb in the oil business is whose thumb is on the scale. The State Secretary says a rule of thumb isn’t enough on its own. Quite right. You also need a good lawyer, a mailbox in Zug, and a straight face.
Then there’s the DEMPE functions: Development, Enhancement, Maintenance, Protection, Exploitation. Exploitation is the only one I ever needed, and I didn’t require a committee to define it.
The Ministry says it sees “no indications” of state aid, and it can’t tell anyone what it looked at. Splendid. That’s what I used to tell my shareholders. They went quiet as well, as long as the dividend arrived.
Mind you, Shell says it followed every rule and discussed everything openly with the tax authorities. I believe them completely. It’s the tax authorities who aren’t allowed to say whether they agree. That’s what I call a well-run arrangement: everyone is transparent except the referee.
My advice to Parliament: stop asking the government. Ask the 37 Bahamians. They seem to be the only people in the whole organisation who know where the money went, and they have very good weather to think in.
— Sir Henri Deterding (deceased, unrepentant, and still not paying tax)
Headline Options
- Sir Henri Deterding: “Thirty-Seven Men and Six Billion Dollars — I’d Have Given My Right Arm for Staff Like That”
- Shell’s Founder Returns From the Grave to Admire the Dutch Government’s Secrecy
- Sir Henri Deterding on the Shell Tax Files: “Everyone Is Transparent Except the Referee”
- Dead Since 1939, Sir Henri Can Read the Shell Files — Dutch MPs Can’t Be Told What the Taxman Found
- Sir Henri’s Advice to Parliament: Stop Asking the Government, Ask the 37 Bahamians
- Shell Founder Hails Ministry’s Tax Secrecy as “An Art Form”
- Sir Henri Deterding Discovers Shell Has a Charitable Wing
Satire. Sir Henri’s views are imagined and voiced by this website’s resident ghost. Shell denies any improper tax avoidance or illegality, and no court or tax authority has found otherwise.
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