POSTED BY JOHN DONOVAN: July 24, 2023
Bravo, Shell! Your daredevil attitude towards safety is truly awe-inspiring.
Summary: Oh, isn’t it delightful to hear about Shell’s latest adventures in offshore safety? The audacious oil and gas giant, Shell, has yet again dazzled us with its impressive handling of workplace risk at the Prelude offshore LNG platform in Australia. Who needs safety standards, right? It’s much more thrilling to expose workers to the exhilarating possibility of fire or explosion!
Article: Prepare to be amazed by Shell’s thrilling antics at the Prelude offshore LNG platform in Australia! In a daring display of audacity, Shell has managed to expose its workers to the exhilarating risk of fire and explosion.
The National Offshore Petroleum Safety and Environmental Management Authority (NOPSEMA) was simply in awe of Shell’s audacious performance. They issued a warning to the London-based oil and gas super-major, urging them to “improve” their safety standards after an inspector discovered an issue with the $US10 billion-plus floating LNG vessel during works in December 2022. How delightful!
The heart-stopping breach occurred when Shell decided to remove an off-specification condensate pressure relief and vacuum relief valve on Tank A. Oh, the thrill of it all! And guess what? They had the audacity to carry out this daring feat without appropriate risk controls! Bravo, Shell! Who needs regulations when you can live on the edge, right?
NOPSEMA’s inspectors were simply awestruck by Shell’s disregard for its own procedures. The permit to work and isolation management systems procedures were merely suggestions to Shell, and Shell decided to ignore them altogether when draining bulk hydrocarbon liquid from the tank. Who needs procedures when you can rely on your gut feeling, right, Shell?
The audacious act left workers exposed to “unacceptable levels” of dangerous substances like benzene, toluene, ethyl benzene, and xylene (BTEX). And let’s not forget the thrilling possibility of a hydrocarbon gas fire or explosion! Who needs a boring, safe workplace when you can have a fiery spectacle, right?
Of course, the fearless Shell workforce had to complain to NOPSEMA about the unsafe work. But that’s just a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things, isn’t it? We all know the real excitement lies in living dangerously!
But wait, the spectacle doesn’t end there! Shell was then instructed to take some mundane steps to address the “failings” identified during the inspection. How disappointing! We were hoping for a repeat performance of their death-defying acts. But alas, even daredevils must bow to the regulators, it seems.
Despite all the thrilling drama, let’s not forget that Prelude is the world’s largest floating LNG platform. Impressive, right? Production began on Christmas Day in 2018, but the platform has been graced with delightful delays over the years. What a captivating journey it has been!
Bravo, Shell! Your dazzling performance at the Prelude platform has left us all in awe of your fearlessness. Who needs a boring, safe workplace when you can have a potential fiery spectacle? Keep up the thrilling work, Shell, and never let safety get in the way of a good show!
Right of Reply: Shell is invited to point out any factual inaccuracies and provide closing comments for publication in this article on an unedited basis.
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